Holly Scherer

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Holly Scherer

How to Eat Well when you’re short on time and money

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Spend 10 minutes watching the news or scrolling through Facebook and you’ll quickly realize that there’s so much that’s out of your control. In 10 short minutes you’ll see evidence of greed, corruption, natural disasters, and disease. It can feel overwhelming for even the calmest of us. Although you can’t control the things in the new, there’s one thing you can control that’s even more powerful. When you choose to eat well, you’ll have the energy you need to deal with life’s daily stressors. In addition, eating well has been shown to boost immunity, lower blood pressure, improve mental health, and so much more.

I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve heard about the plethora of benefits you’ll enjoy when you eat well. A quick Google search returns 1.7 billion results. The information is clearly out there and free for the taking. Yet, according to the CDC, fewer than 10 percent of US adults and adolescents are consuming enough fruits and vegetables. So let’s take a look at why we struggle to eat well and simple ways to fix it.

Why we don’t eat well

I wish I could give you a simple concrete answer, but like everything in life, it’s not black and white. It’s extremely complicated and could be an entire post of its own.

There are areas of our US food system that are broken, in my opinion. And there are other areas that run great. But for the five percent of Americans who don’t have access to enough healthy food, none of that matters.

Another consideration is our environment and the people we spend time with. I touched on this in my last post about personal finance and it applies here as well. If the people we spend time with have unhealthy diets, we’re more likely to eat less healthfully too.

For those of us who do have access to good healthy food, many of us simply don’t know what’s good and what’s bad. If you’re like me, you ate a whole lot of ramen noodles, ice cream, and pizza rolls growing up. Don’t worry, I wised up in my teenage years and jumped on the Diet Coke, SnackWell’s, and SlimFast diet.

I knew nothing about nutrition and believed whatever the marketers were selling me. I’m not sure how I stumbled onto an interest in nutrition later in life, but I’m grateful I did. I’ll share some of what I’ve learned as well as some additional resources below.

Even if you had access to healthy food, knew what to cook, and had a healthy support network, who has the time?

There’s a woman I follow on Instagram who runs, bikes, and swims on almost a daily basis. In the meantime she prepares three meals a day, completely from scratch, for her husband and two daughters. In the time she has left after taking care of herself and her family, she fights fires and saves lives. Every time I scroll through Instagram, I wonder where she finds the time. I guess she must not have spent a quarter of her day scrolling on her phone as I did. 😉

The final big hurdle that keeps families from eating well is the perceived cost. You’ve all heard Whole Foods referred to as Whole Paycheck, haven’t you? I think it’s true that you can get more calories per dollar with processed junk food. But anyone who has ever binged on a whole bag of Doritos knows that those empty calories don’t leave you feeling satisfied. Choosing to spend those few dollars on beans, brown rice, and broccoli will leave you feeling healthier and more satisfied.

If you believe you have to spend a lot of money and time in the kitchen to eat well, you’re in for a treat. Check out my best tips to eat well on a small budget at cut your kitchen time in half.
“The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.” – Dr. Ann Wigmore

What does it mean to eat well?

This is another question I don’t have a black and white answer for. I think it depends on what your goals are. Are you trying to lose weight, manage your blood pressure, or eat in a way that’s compassionate toward animals? For our household, we’ve chosen to focus on longevity. Not only do I intend to live well into my hundreds, but I also plan to be healthy and active at that age too.

With that goal in mind, I did a lot of research on what that kind of eating looks like. Right now, we’re choosing to eat a whole food plant-forward diet. That doesn’t mean we don’t have occasional meat, cheese, ice cream, and beer. But I’d say that 80 percent of what we eat are plant-based whole foods. You can check out some of the books I’ve read on the topic below.

Reading a few books doesn’t make me an expert on nutrition so I encourage you to do your own research. And if you have the means to invest in yourself, consider hiring a health coach that can help you tailor a plan to meet your specific goals. If neither books nor coaching are an option for you right now, gift yourself 14 minutes to watch this TED Talk.

The return to eating at home

I initially published this post in June of 2016. As I’ve learned more about what it means to eat well, I’ve wanted to make some updates. And now we find ourselves stuck at home, preparing three meals a day for our entire family thanks to the covid-19 pandemic. So like my last post, I figured there’s no time like the present to hit refresh.

Eventually this thing will be over and we’ll be able to return to restaurants and eat more meals away from home. But as I mentioned in my previous post, you don’t have to. If you feel better and more connected as a family eating at home, you can choose to make this the new normal.

If you feel better and more connected as a family eating at home, you can choose to make this the new normal. Click To Tweet

If you’re still not sold, watch this video to learn how eating at home could help you feel better.

Is it possible to eat well on a budget?

For many years my husband, Jer, and I taught life skills classes to people struggling with homelessness and poverty. One of our favorite topics to teach was Health and Wellness because it’s easy to make massive improvements to our health with tiny changes. For example, taking a short 20-minute walk every day could help the average person lose 10 pounds over the course of the year. That’s just 20 minutes a day. Think of what could be possible if you did a little more and stretched it out over five years.

One of the biggest objections we heard while teaching those classes was that eating healthy is expensive. So I came up with a fun little exercise. I went to a bunch of grocery stores and picked up sales flyers. I broke the group into teams, gave them a 40 dollar budget, and had them plan out a week’s worth of groceries from the flyers. Then I had them do it again but with only healthy food this time. Guess which time their 40 dollar budget got them the most food?

Let’s find out with some current advertisements and food prices.

Here’s what you can get with $40 to buy healthy food.

  • 1 lb. of strawberries $1.19
  • 1 seedless watermelon $3.99
  • 4 ears of sweet corn $1.69
  • 1 bunch of broccoli $2.49
  • 1 lb. organic spring mix $4.19
  • 1 seedless cucumber $1.29
  • 2 lbs. carrots $1.39
  • 1 head of cabbage $1.99
  • 1 lb. asparagus $2.49
  • 2 lbs. of sweet potatoes $1.98
  • 5 lbs. organic potatoes $3.99
  • 10 oz. container of hummus $3
  • 2 lbs. dry black beans $1.98
  • 2 lbs. of brown rice $1.39
  • 1 lb. organic polenta $3.99
  • 3 cans organic garbanzo beans $2.97

Now let’s see how much we can get with $40 worth of junk food.

  • 19 oz. package of bratwurst $4.99
  • 6 count brat buns $2.50
  • Yellow mustard .99
  • Ketchup .99
  • Bag of Lays potato chips $2.50
  • 22 oz. can of baked beans $1.79
  • Frozen pizza $8.99
  • 2 Hungry Man frozen dinners $5
  • 9.6 oz. bag of M&Ms $3
  • 1.5 qt. vanilla ice cream $3.99
  • 12 pack of Coca Cola $4.99

Which of these two grocery hauls would you rather bring home?

Here are more tips to eat well on a budget.

1 – Eat seasonally

I put together the example above in late May. As you can see, things like strawberries, watermelon, sweet corn, and asparagus are very affordable. This isn’t the case in the middle of January so my list looks different at that time of year. Not only will eating seasonally save you money, it typically provides higher quality food as well.

2 – Grow your own

If you have the space, borrow a tiller and dig up a plot to plant your own garden. It’s a lot easier than it looks and is incredibly rewarding.

3 – Buy direct from the grower

A great way to do this is by shopping at farmers’ markets. Not only is it more affordable, but the food is also always tastier than what you get in the big box stores.

4 – Cut back on animal products

As I mentioned, I’m revising this post amid the covid-19 pandemic. Across the country, meat packing plants have been shut down and stores have had their shelves cleared by anxious consumers. And now industry experts are projecting a price increase of at least 20 percent over last year.

If you don’t want to completely cut animal products from your diet, look into purchasing meat and eggs directly from local farmers.

5 – Buy in bulk

Check out the bulk section of your grocery store. I can usually get dry goods like popcorn, polenta, and lentils for up to half off their packaged counterparts. I always visit both sections and compare the price per pound to be sure.

You can find similar deals at warehouse clubs like Costco and Sam’s Club. But make sure you’ll actually eat 12 pounds of brown rice before you go and fill your pantry. Saving money on food doesn’t matter if you end up tossing half of it.

6 – Plan your menu and shop based on weekly advertisements

This is how I typically plan our weekly menu and shopping trip. If mushrooms are 69 cents a pack, our menu for the week might start with a veggie shepherd’s pie, followed by mushroom wild rice soup, and wrapped up with Jer’s famous mushroom mole tacos.

7 – Shop private label stores like Aldi and Trader Joes

It just so happen to love both of these stores. Aldi has great consistent prices on produce. And Trader Joes is one of the best places for organics. Check them out and see what you can find.

8 – Don’t be afraid of frozen foods

You can find great deals on fruits and veggies in the freezer aisle. Not only are they just as healthy, but often less expensive and they taste better. Peas, corn, kale, berries, and edamame are always on our radar.

9 – Stick to your list and budget

This can be easier said than done. Set yourself up for success by preparing a list before you go. Also make sure you’re not shopping on an empty stomach. And while you’re shopping, keep a tally of what you’re spending so you don’t have a big surprise when it’s time to check out.

10 – Cook from scratch

Depending on where you are right now, this could feel overwhelming. While we cook nearly all of our food from scratch today, it wasn’t always this way. We started small and built up over time.

Rather than feeling overwhelmed, just pick one change you know you can stick to. Once that’s a habit, add another. Not only will cooking from scratch save you a lot of cash, but you’ll feel a lot better too.

Find the time

The time it takes to prepare healthy meals is also a big concern for many families. There are a lot of great ways to spend less time in the kitchen. But have you considered how much time it takes to eat out and grab take out?

Before the covid-19 lockdown, the average American ate out about five times per week. This could be anything from cruising through the drive-through or sitting down for a nice meal in a fancy restaurant. To get an idea of how much time the average person might spend eating out, we’ll make the assumption that three of these meals are fast-casual or take out, and the other two are nice dinners out. The actual time spent will vary per person depending on where you live and what you have access to. But for our purposes today, I’ll use myself as an example.

To get your fast-casual takeout meals, you’ll have to drive to and from the restaurant, wait in line, order, and wait for your food. If I were to go to my closest takeout restaurant right now, that would take approximately 30 minutes if I drove, longer if I walked.

When Jer and I go out for dinner, the whole process takes about two and a half hours. That includes driving to and from the restaurant, waiting to be seated, mulling over the menu, ordering, eating, and paying. So if we ate two weekly meals in a restaurant and three nights of takeout, we would spend about six and a half hours on the process.

For health and financial reason, we’ve been eating almost all our meals at home for years. We spend more time on prep work and big meals on the weekend. But on weekdays, I try not to spend more than one hour in the kitchen. So that’s five hours on weekdays and let’s say four hours on the weekends. That’s only two and a half more hours more than if we ate five of those meals outside our home.

The most important thing you can do to make eating at home a reality is to have a plan. I plan one big meal per day based on what I have, what’s on sale, and in season. Based on that plan, I prepare a shopping list and buy what we need. Then there’s never a question about what’s for dinner or whether we have what we need on hand. It saves a lot of time, money, stress, and prevents a lot of arguments from happening.

Here are more great tips to save time in the kitchen.

1 – Use your slow cooker

Since I initially published this post, this amazing new gadget called the Instant Pot has come out. I don’t personally own one, but I hear amazing things from people who do.

Whether you’re using an Instant Pot or a good old fashioned slow cooker, the internet is full of awesome whole food recipes that can be prepared in a jiffy and slow cook while you’re at work. I have lots of ideas on my Pinterest board you can find here.

2 – Batch cook and freeze

I did this a lot when I had a “real” job. I would prepare huge stockpots of soups, stews, and chili, and freeze the leftovers so that we always had real food on hand. I also like to do this when I make casserole type dishes like moussaka, lasagna, and veggie shepherd’s pie. It’s a huge time saver.

3 – Prep on the weekends

Spend a few hours making sure everything you need is ready to go before the week begins. When Jer’s in a season of bringing lunch to work, we’ll often prep for the entire week on Sunday evening.

4 – Take it easy

Learn a handful of quick meals for busy evenings. Salads make awesome quick meals, as do sheet pan dinners and stuffed sweet potatoes.

5 – Try something new

Whenever I’m feeling bored and uninspired, I head to the internet for new ideas. Here are a few of my favorite websites for healthy, budget-friendly meals.

Budget Bytes

100 Days of Real Food

Minimalist Baker

Gimme Some Oven

And there are many more ideas on my Pinterest board.

How to start

I prefer to write comprehensive posts that provide all the information you need to get started. Depending on where you are on your own journey to eat well, this could feel a bit overwhelming. So I want to remind you to start small.

The things I’m sharing with you are a culmination of at least a decade of learning and trial and error. We didn’t make big changes all at once, but rather little changes day by day. We continue to do so today. As we learn better we do better.

Pick one thing you’d like to change and start doing it today. If you make a mistake, that’s cool. Just try again tomorrow. Screwing up from time to time is better than never starting.

Here’s to a healthier new you!

What tips do you have to eat well on a budget? Share in the comments below or come tell me all about it on Facebook.

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The secret to thriving on one income—especially when you have two

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Until fairly recently, most American households survived solely on one income. I wasn’t alive then but I’ve heard stories about how things were simpler. Families shared one car, lived in smaller homes, and eating out was only for special occasions. Most meals were cooked at home with ingredients fresh from the garden. In their free time, the children helped out around the house, on the farm, or in the family business. Some kids played baseball while others worked at the local drug store. I imagine those families had their challenges, just as we do today. But life was no doubt simpler back then.

It seems like it happened overnight, but like most societal shifts, the two-income family was a culmination of many little things over time. For many families here and around the world, two or more incomes are necessary for survival. But for many families with two incomes, ultra-comfortable lifestyles became the expectation.

Many families today own a car for every family member with a driver’s license. We’ve migrated to larger homes in the suburbs and due to longer commutes, we consume more delivery and take out than home-cooked meals. We hire companies to clean our homes and take care of the lawn. Between work and running the kids to all of their extracurricular activities, there’s simply not enough time for cooking and cleaning. This go, go, go lifestyle can feel exhausting. So once or twice a year, families pack up for a vacation where they can lie on the beach, sip margaritas, and not have to think about the stresses of their daily life back home.

Most of us believe that we need multiple incomes to get by. Yet each year I see more people learning to thrive on one income. Here’s how they enjoy more family time and better work-life balance on half the income.
“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” ― Seth Godin

I’m not here to tell you that one way of life is wrong, and the other is right. Instead, I’m here to ask you, is the life you’re living the life you truly desire?

Growing up, I believed that there was a specific formula for a life well-lived. If you followed these steps, then you could be happy. So I stuck to the program exactly as I understood it. I went to college, got a “good” corporate job, took out a car loan, got an expensive place in the suburbs, spent way too much money at Banana Republic, bought a “starter house,” got married, moved up the (wrong) ladder, took lots of fancy vacations, and I still wasn’t happy. That left me wondering what was wrong with me. What had I done wrong?

As my husband, Jer, and I grew together in our marriage, we found mentors who challenged everything we were ever told. We learned that you didn’t need debt and a big house in the suburbs to live a rich life. We discovered that you don’t need expensive degrees or to work 80 hours a week at a job you hate to be a success. And most importantly, we learned that there’s not one specific formula for a life well-lived. So we gave ourselves permission to start creating a life that was meaningful to us and aligned with our values.

Most of us believe that we need multiple incomes to get by. Yet each year I see more people learning to thrive on one income. Here’s how they enjoy more family time and better work-life balance on half the income.

This message is brought to you by the worldwide lockdown during the covid-19 pandemic. Schools, economies, and life as we know it have been temporarily shut down. Even if we go back to “normal” sooner rather than later, I don’t think this disruption will quickly be forgotten. For many of us, there will be a brand new “normal.”

At this point, it’s hard to assess our losses. As the pandemic expert, Dr. Michael Osterholm, said in a recent podcast, we’re only in the second inning.

My heart breaks for the people who have lost loved ones and were unable to say goodbye. I can’t imagine how many others are struggling with their mental health. And the financial pressures and changes in daily routine have likely put most marriages to the test.

We can’t ignore the financial toll this has taken on our economy and the federal and state budgets. I can’t think of a single person who hasn’t been impacted financially. Day after day, more and more businesses announce that they will not be around to reopen.

And some people are left asking, “How can we be worried about economic matters while people are dying?” So before we move on I want to share an important perspective with you.

For the first 30-some years of my life, I did a good job keeping each aspect of life in its own neat little compartment. I never considered that finances, health, and relationships were all interconnected. But in fact, our financial matters affect where we live, what we eat, our access to physical activity, stress levels, and much more. So yes, as it pertains to health, I do believe that financial matters are important.

There’s Hope

Now that I’ve laid all the doom and gloom on the table, let’s take a look at what’s possible. Disruptions such as these bring to light a lot of inefficiencies and unmet needs. I’m already seeing new businesses pop up in response to new opportunities. This also opens the door to completely new ways of doing business.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the same is true for your household and family. Whether we start moving toward the new “normal” next week, a month from now, or longer; know that you don’t have to go back to the way things were.

Most of us believe that we need multiple incomes to get by. Yet each year I see more people learning to thrive on one income. Here’s how they enjoy more family time and better work-life balance on half the income.
Whether we start moving toward the new “normal” next week, a month from now, or next year; promise me that you won’t go back to those things that made you unhappy before.

If you were laid off, you don’t have to go back to the industry you loathe. If you’re financially maxed out, you don’t need to keep that huge mortgage and multiple car loans. If you feel better eating at home, you don’t have to go back to your old ways of going out for lunch and grabbing takeout for dinner. If you’re loving this slower pace, you don’t have to go back to your overly busy lifestyle.

Ask yourself, are you living the life you truly desire? If you could change anything and be certain it would all work out, what would you change?

Your Dream Life

If you had all the money you’d ever need, but still had to be productive in some way, what would that life look like to you? Where would you live? What would your home be like? How would you spend your days? Who would you choose to spend time with? Take a moment and picture that life. Maybe even pull out your journal and write about it. You can find a list of questions to explore here.

I picture a smallish cabin on a lake tucked away in the woods. (Or on the north shore of Hawaii – maybe both.) Each morning I would go for a sunrise paddle on the lake. In the evening I’d take a sunset stroll in the woods. I would spend my days reading and writing and creating things that help people live better lives. I’d enjoy fresh healthy meals made at home and a weekly date night out on the town. Jer could have his own space to work on his many creative interests. And of course, we’d spend plenty of time together, at home and away on epic adventures. Our lives would be simple yet rich and rewarding.

How about you? What would that life look like to you? And what’s stopping you from creating that life?

Most of us believe that we need multiple incomes to get by. Yet each year I see more people learning to thrive on one income. Here’s how they enjoy more family time and better work-life balance on half the income.
“Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” – Henry David Thoreau

One Income to the Rescue

Whatever your dream life looks like, living on one income can help you get there.

For most of us, we become a one-income household unexpectedly. Illness, job loss, or a global pandemic knock us on our financial behinds. We then become painfully aware that we have too much debt and too little savings.

But what if you chose to live this way instead? As we work our way out of this crazy time in history and unemployment rates start to decline, what if you chose to live on one income? That doesn’t mean that you only earn one income. This means that you LIVE on one salary.

The Why behind One Income

Why on earth would someone want to do this? For most of us, that would mean cutting our spending in half. A normal response would be—No Thank You! So here are some wonderful reasons to consider a one-income lifestyle.

1 – More Margin—Less Stress

Do you remember the uncertainty that came sweeping through the country as America started to lock down with the Covid-19 pandemic? I don’t know that I’ll ever forget it. Jer and I were lucky to be on the more stable side of things. But there was still an elevated level of anxiety around here for several weeks.

Take a moment to try and recall all of the worries that ran through your head during that time. Now think about how it would have been different if you had three, six, or even 12 months of expenses on hand?

Choosing to live on one income will create margin in your budget so you can save for a rainy day. Then the next time disaster strikes, you can step forward with more courage and confidence. You’ll be able to make better decisions and stress less because you’ll know that your basic needs are covered. Just imagine how different that would feel.

2 – Better Work-Life Balance

As I’ve talked to people as this pandemic unfolded, I’ve heard time and again how people are appreciating more family time and a better work-life balance. Yes, there are things we all miss. But universally, we’re appreciating our increased time together and the simpler way of life.

When you are able to survive on one income, you’ll have the freedom and flexibility to make better decisions for your family. That might mean changing careers, working part-time, contract work, or the myriad of other income opportunities in our modern world. It could mean using t part of the “extra” income to hire help with cleaning and yard work so you can make the most of your downtime. Or maybe you’ll finally find the courage to ask for that promotion or get a new job where you make more and work less.

Whatever better work-life balance looks like to you, the security that comes from being able to live on one income will help you get there.

3 – Improve Your Financial Habits

Going from two incomes to one is a transition. In the process, you’re sure to improve your financial choices. Once these new ways of life become habits, you’ll learn to love many of them. More importantly, you’ll prepare your children to have great financial habits once they head out of their own.

4 – A Bright Future on One Income

Beyond having savings in an emergency fund, there are other places to save that are game-changers. Boosting your 401k contributions and opening a Roth IRA will ensure your needs are taken care of when you’re no longer able to work. Funding an HSA ensures you’ll be able to cover unforeseen medical emergencies without compounding debt. And participating in a college savings plan will help your kids get the education they desire without taking on hundreds of thousands of dollars of student loan debt.

Of course, there are other vehicles for saving and investing. But everything I listed here has tax incentives to boot. You can learn more about them and start building a brighter future with this post.

5 – Do More of What You Love Today

Stop waiting for retirement to take that vacation, plant a garden, or try a new hobby.

When people get to the end of their lives, they rarely talk about that huge raise or their series of promotions. That’s not to say that making enough money to live comfortably and enjoy life isn’t important. It’s when you have enough that you have the space to breathe; you’re in a better position to build confidence, find yourself, and create your best life. As much as a comfortable salary, doing meaningful work that makes a difference also contributes to our life satisfaction.

We mustn’t forget the why behind these things though. All of the money in the world means nothing if you’re lonely because you never took time away from work to nurture your relationships. A ten million dollar retirement account has little value if you’re not willing to spend it traveling and exploring the interests you love. A million-dollar bonus is worthless if you don’t have the health to spend it doing activities you enjoy.

When you choose to live on one income, you’ll get to a place where you have the time and money to do more of what you love. When you begin your journey, you’ll likely be building up your savings, and your discretionary budget will be smaller. But that won’t bother you because you know that there’s a much better future ahead. Not to mention, you’re excited to explore all of the wonderful, inexpensive hobbies that won’t break the bank.

Who else is ready to stop waiting for retirement to start doing more of what you love?

Our Journey to One Income

As I was preparing to write this, I thought about when it was that we truly started living on one income. I’ve always been a saver, but it wasn’t until we were married for several years that we really focused on spending less than half of our income.

I think the turning point was in 2011 when I started tracking our spending and budgeting. Being able to see how much we were actually spending in each category was eye-opening. Groceries, cigarettes, eating out, and travel were large expenditures for us back then. After a few months of tracking, I could see that how simply cutting back to the bare necessities could offer financial freedom in just a few short years.

This realization pushed us to get ultra-serious about saving and paying down debt. In just over two and a half years, we were completely debt-free. To celebrate that, along with our tenth wedding anniversary, we planned an epic three week trip to Hawaii, later that year.

Remember in that last section how I was saying that it doesn’t matter if you make tons of money if you’re essentially unhappy? Well that my friends comes from first-hand experience. When the time came to enjoy what should have been a trip of a lifetime, it took the first five days for me to calm down enough to actually enjoy it. And then three days before we were set to fly back, I started having terrible nightmares about returning to work.

This prompted some serious discussions between Jer and I. Over the previous two years, he had prodded me, here and there, to leave my job. But we were so close to achieving a big financial goal that I decided to tough it out. Maybe that was a mistake. But it brings us here today with this story that could potentially change someone else’s life.

Immediately after that trip, we began making plans for me to leave that job. On paper, the numbers worked, but the thought of going down to one income was terrifying. In my mind, there was no going back once the final decision was made. Looking back, I see how this way of thinking was flawed. I now know that there is always something better ahead.

After making our decision, I decided to work six more months, while living on one salary. This would allow us to see if it was truly possible. And in the process, we could save up to have an extra beefy one income emergency fund.

As it goes when you set an intention and start taking action, things began to take shape more quickly. My six-month plan became a three-month plan. We’ve been living on one income ever since and I don’t plan to go back, no matter how many incomes we bring in.

At first, it was a strange adjustment. In a post about job loss, I wrote reg how work is so much more than an income. It’s our social outlet, where we make friends, serve a purpose, and so much more. I knew this and had built habits and structure into my day. I also had hobbies, volunteer work, and ideas on new ways to contribute value to this world. But it was still weird and I imagine that those of you whose workplaces closed during the covid-19 pandemic experienced something similar.

I adjusted though. And began a very healing journey.

On the money front, I became more frugal than ever. I had more freedom in my schedule but was careful not to spend money considering that we only had one income for real. As time went on our income slowly increased and we became more comfortable spending again.

What we didn’t expect from all of this were the other benefits that came with this new lifestyle. We’re doing better than ever financially. We’re in great health because I have the time to shop for and prepare healthy meals daily. With me managing the household, we both have time to exercise, meditate, and get more than enough sleep each day. By getting out of a toxic environment, my mental health has improved, which has had a ripple effect within our household and community. We have both become more courageous and confident. Our marriage, although there are peaks and valleys just like everyone else, is the best it’s ever been. We have new connections and friendships and a widening circle of healthy relationships.

Our lives are remarkably better. But let’s not forget that it’s been a long journey. It was totally worth it and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. But I want to be transparent about what you may be getting yourself into.

Don’t Take my Word for It

Don’t just take my word for it. Several years later, I heard from a friend that his wife was going to lose her job. Instead of the panic and despair that comes with this type of news, he sounded happy and truly excited. After the dust had settled, I asked him to share his story. He generously agreed and you can read it here. You’ll see many similarities between our two stories. I hope it’s inspiring to you.

How to Live on One Income

More often than not, people end up living on one income via circumstance rather than choice. I can’t imagine how scary and terrifying these situations must be. In this case, by all means, do what you need to do to make ends meet. That will likely mean getting back to work or finding a way to replace your income as quickly as possible. Once you are no longer living in fight or flight, you’ll be better able to work through the following steps.

1 – Stronger Together

If you’re reading an article about living on one income, I’m going to assume you’re doing life with someone else who contributes financially. Whatever that looks like in your situation, it’s important that you work through this together. That’s not to say that you’ll agree on everything. And believe it or not, that’s a good thing.

As I’ve shared in other posts, Jer and I are wired very differently. These natural tendencies spill over into everything, especially our financial habits. I’m a saver and always have been. As a child, I knew exactly how many pieces of candy I could have each week to get me through until the next holiday candy replenishment. Jer, on the other hand, sees no point in “hoarding” that candy and eats it as quickly as he can. As it pertains to our finances, I’m well aware that if left to my own devices, I would “hoard” so much more money, and enjoy fewer meaningful experiences.

Before you dive into creating shared goals, take some time to acknowledge what the other person brings to the table. This way you’ll be prepared to resolve conflict quickly so you can keep working toward the greater good.

2 – Define Your Why

Now that you’re working as a team, come together to define the specific reasons you want to do this. Perhaps you want to enjoy more quality time as a family. Maybe you want to set a better example for the next generation. You might simply be inspired to have the means to give generously. Whatever it is, decide as a team on the why that will drive this journey forward.

3 – Slow and Steady Wins the Race

As I mentioned earlier, it took us about four years to get from tracking our spending to one income living. Depending on where you are right now, it could take more or less time. While there’s a lot you can do to accelerate the process, committing to slow and steady from the start will help ensure you make it to the finish line.

4 – You Need a Budget

You don’t need a detailed excel workbook that tracks every aspect of your finances over the last decade and counting. (You totally know I do that, right?) But you do need to know exactly how much you have coming in and going out. You can learn more about creating budgets here. And while you’re at it, don’t forget rule number one and make sure you work together to create something that energizes both of you.

5 – Increase that Income

The more you earn, the quicker you can meet your financial goals, plain and simple. But when it comes to this part of our finances, most of us are plagued with some sort of limiting belief. Pick your poison: I don’t have a college degree, real artists don’t sell out for money, I don’t have experience in that area, and the list goes on. So first things first. Try to identify the lies you’ve been telling yourself that have prevented you from earning the income you deserve.

When you’ve figured out what’s been holding you back, check out these ideas to help you get that income growing.

6 – Slash Your Expenses

Wherever you are financially, it’s always a good idea to review your expenses and trim the fat. Be honest, if you went through your budget right now, how many things would you find that you pay for and don’t really use? That piece of software you pay for monthly, your gym membership, roadside assistance that’s already included with your auto insurance, or maybe you still haven’t cut the cord on your home phone—it’s all fair game.

Make it a habit to go through your budget at the end of each year, as a team, and find anything you can slash. Here’s a list of 103 things to help you get started.

7 – Eliminate Debt

Have you ever lost a job or experienced a pay cut? If you can, remember how you felt during that time. Now imagine that you didn’t have any debt—no mortgage, car payments, or student loans. How different would that experience have been for you?

Becoming debt-free from wherever you stand today will be a journey. But it will bless your life in more ways than you could imagine. Check out this post to learn more about how becoming debt-free changed our lives. Then bookmark this page for the day you’re ready to start kicking your own debt to the curb.

8 – Cash is King

My Grandfather was a quiet man. So when he spoke, people listened. One of the things I remember him saying is that “if you can’t pay cash for it, you can’t afford it.” I don’t recall the specific context or if it was even about me. But I do know that one sentence played a huge role in preventing me from getting myself into financial trouble.

I’ve mentioned this several times throughout this post, as well as in my last blog post. The people and businesses with cash on hand during the covid-19 pandemic and ensuing financial crisis had a very different experience.

The title of this section came from a friend I checked in on while in lockdown. Even though business had tanked and they suffered a pay cut, they were feeling optimistic. They had recently downsized their life to be able to live debt-free. Part of their reply read, “Debt is dumb, cash is king, no worries in that department.” Don’t you wish we’d all be able to say that during the next crisis?

9 – Only Spend on Things that Bring Joy

Studies have proven what most of us instinctively know. More stuff does not mean more happiness. So whether you make $50,000 or $500,000 per year, your life will be richer when you only spend money on things that bring you joy.

10 – Build a One Income Support Network

I’ve used this quote countless times so it might start feeling cliché. But it’s one of the truest lessons I’ve learned. And personally, I learned it way too late in life. So as a public service, I will continue to shout it from the rooftop.

Most of us believe that we need multiple incomes to get by. Yet each year I see more people learning to thrive on one income. Here’s how they enjoy more family time and better work-life balance on half the income.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

The hard truth is that if all of your friends spend more than they make, you’re more likely to follow suit. If everyone you know spends thousands of dollars each month at bars, restaurants, and concerts; you might feel like you need to join the crowd or be lonely forever.

When we got serious about paying down our debt, we didn’t have a lot of friends who were good with money. But we had each other and that was enough to keep us going. The cool thing that happened was that other people began to follow suit. And over the years our support network has grown.

If you have a friend who is good with money, reach out and have a chat. If no one comes to mind, seek out an online group. There are so many ways to find support these days. There’s no reason to keep going it alone.

When You’re Forced to Live on One Income

Some people choose to live on one salary, no matter how many they have. Others are forced to temporarily live on one income when they lose a job or experience a temporary life disruption. But there are times in our life when we need to survive on one income indefinitely. These situations include things like: the cost of childcare being so high that it no longer makes sense to work, a serious illness that requires you to leave your job, or a family member that needs 24-hour care.

These situations can be much more difficult to navigate than temporary things like a layoff. But if you follow the steps above, I know you’ll be able to figure it out. The fact that you’re here tells me you’re already well on your way.

Here are a few more tips to keep in mind if one income living looks like it will be a semi-permanent endeavor.

1 – Eliminate Black and White Thinking

It’s a common belief that if we pursue work we love, we’ll make less money. Or that if we change industries, we’ll have to start from the bottom. But I’ve seen time and again that these beliefs are just that. They’re beliefs, not facts.

Instead, start using the word AND. I can do work I love AND make a lot of money. I can move into an industry I care about AND get a raise. We can go down to one income AND enjoy a better lifestyle.

Most of us believe that we need multiple incomes to get by. Yet each year I see more people learning to thrive on one income. Here’s how they enjoy more family time and better work-life balance on half the income.
A better life begins when you start telling yourself a better story.

2 – Build a Bigger Emergency Fund

In a post about emergency funds, I listed different scenarios when you’d want more emergency savings. And living on one income is one of those scenarios. At a minimum, I think every business and household should strive to have at least three months of expenses on hand.

For a single income family, I’d be more comfortable with six months of expenses in cash. When stressful things happen, you can sleep better and make wiser decisions when you’re not worried about how you’ll put food on the table.

I realize that saving six months of expenses takes time. It took us a while to build up our reserves as well. So always be sure to continue saving by making it a priority in your budget. Then one day you’ll wake up and you will have achieved the impossible.

3 – Decide What You Value and Prioritize

What does your family most value? What do you love doing that brings joy to the whole crew? You probably know the answer, but have you discussed it as a family?

Living on one income means you’ll have to make sacrifices. These decisions will be easier to make if you decide what’s important ahead of time.

4 – Run the Numbers and Do a One Income Trial Run

If you have a budget, you should easily be able to figure out what you’ll need to do to make it work. Do you need to cut spending, start a side hustle, all of the above?

If you can, get on this new plan and do a trial run before you say adios to that second income. It will be less stressful to make mistakes and figure things out while that second income is still coming in.

5 – Replace What You’ll Miss at Work

This may be the most important point of all. If you are leaving work, find ways to replace everything you’ll lose. In the aforementioned post on job loss, I covered all the things we lose when we lose our jobs. We lose our friends, a built-in social life, as well as purpose and meaning.

Think about what you will miss and create a plan for how you’ll meet those needs on one income.

Where to Begin

I realize this is a lot of information to take in. My goal is to make comprehensive guides to meet most people wherever they’re at. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath, and let’s talk about where to begin.

The internet, mainstream media, and bookstores are filled with the definitive guide to just about everything. But the truth is that we’re all uniquely and wonderfully made. We’re all motivated by different forces and have distinctive strengths and weaknesses. So the best course of action is going to look slightly different for each of us.

Begin by asking yourself what your goal is. Do you want to stay home with your kids while they’re still young, build an emergency fund, or create margin to live a healthier lifestyle? If you’re like me, you’ll want to do it all at the same time. But I promise you’ll enjoy more success if you just pick one thing.

Now ask yourself, what’s the first step you need to take to get there? Do you need to track your spending, create a budget, or send your credit cards through the shredder?

Pick one thing and do it. I know it can be scary but I’m sure your credit card company would be happy to send you a replacement card if you change your mind.

Next, you’ll pick another small step, take action, and then start the process over again. Once you start gaining some traction, feel free to create a more concrete plan with specific goals and timelines. You can learn more about my planning process here.

No matter why you’re doing it, living well on one income is doable. It can even be an enriching experience if you follow these tips. Life is so much more than fat bank accounts and fancy job titles. The things we remember at the end of our lives are our relationships and experiences. Perhaps choosing to live on one income could give you more of both.

What did I miss? This is a big topic and I regularly update content as new information becomes available. Drop your questions in the comments below or come say “hi” on Facebook.

How to improve your finances with a no-spend month

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Do you ever feel like you’re spending more than you need to? Have you ever felt stressed trying to stretch your paycheck through the end of the month? Maybe you feel stuck in a financial mess and you’re not quite sure how to dig your way out. Or perhaps you simply want to build a cushion to help you weather the unexpected. If you can relate to any of these scenarios, keep reading to find out how a no-spend month could help you.

What is a no-spend month?

Eight years ago, my husband, Jeremiah, and I were in the middle of digging our way out of debt. As someone who loves to find new ways to optimize my efforts, I religiously read blogs and listened to podcasts about personal finance. That year I stumbled upon a woman who had just finished a no-spend year. You read that right, she didn’t spend money for an entire year.

I was in awe of her discipline and ingenuity. The amount of money she saved by saying no to spending was enviable. I would have loved to have done the same, but our careers and lifestyle would not allow for such drastic measures at that time.

As the years passed, I’d occasionally see people share plans on social media to do a no-spend month. I was certain we’d be able to not spend for an entire month. But as with many of our best intentions, the years came and went. I never did get around to trying to go an entire month without spending.

That changed at the beginning of this year. A friend announced that she was doing a no-spend month during January and invited others to join her. I wanted to commit so I could enjoy the support and comradery of a team. However, Jer and I already had a trip planned. So as much as I wanted to join the challenge, January and February were not going to work.

As January and February came and went, I couldn’t get the idea out of my mind. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to try my first no-spend month when I returned home in March. There was just one thing that stood in my way.

Those of you who are coupled know how challenging it can be to get your significant other on board. Especially for something sure to cause discomfort. After enduring years to frugality to become debt-free, I was certain Jer wouldn’t be on board.

I know what some of you are thinking. Sure, I could go it alone. But it felt pointless since our lives are intertwined. It would be too easy for me to cheat and break the rules.

It turns out I was getting ahead of myself. To my surprise, Jer agreed. His commitment felt half-hearted, however. Whether he would follow through was yet to be seen.

Our first try

I returned home from an extended road trip on March first and our no-spend month started that same day. It obviously wasn’t the best timing. I was gone for almost 40 days which meant I didn’t have a chance to stock up on necessities. But as a Costco shopper and a planner, I thought we could get by with what we had. Not only that but I’m a backpacker. I can survive with very little and know exactly how to make a roll of toilet paper last 10 days. Little did I know how important that was about to be.

The rules were simple. The only thing we were allowed to spend money on was gas and groceries. I could easily have skipped the gas since I drive very little and live within walking distance of any necessities. I could even have skipped the groceries and stocked the freezer with frozen veggies. But I consider the food we eat to be an investment in our health so I was more than willing to stick with our regular monthly grocery budget.

Beyond those two budget categories, we paid our monthly bills. As I eluded, we’ve been completely debt free for close to six years so we had no mortgage, car payments, or student loans. But we still had water, gas, electricity, internet, and trash bills to pay.

How did we do?

For those of you reading this in the future, I have a quick question to jog your memory. Do you recall that time the world as we knew it changed overnight with our first global pandemic? Yeah, that was the month we did our first no-spend month.

On the one hand, it made it easier because we couldn’t buy toilet paper, cleaning products, eat out, or get a haircut even if we wanted to. But as I mentioned earlier, we didn’t have time to prepare so there were some staples we ran out of.

(As I write this I’m daydreaming about the future when I can finally buy a 12-pound bag of Costco’s organic brown rice again.)

All things considered, I’m delighted to say that both Jer and I only had one emergency purchase. Jer bought hair product so he could look good for his Zoom meetings. And I desperately needed new trail runners so I could get outside and enjoy some much needed alone time. I used my REI dividend and didn’t spend actual money on them. Had I not had the dividend, I probably would have waited. But I feel this is an important disclosure.

And my fears about Jer not following through?

It turns out he’s the world’s best team player. He’s incredibly engaged when he feels like we’re working on something together. Which is challenging because I’m much more independent and a bit of a lone wolf. I mention this as something to consider for those of you thinking about doing a no-spend month as a couple. Consider what motivates your partner as you create your plan for success.

What we learned

I am grateful that I finally got around to completing my first no-spend month. The circumstances were weird and unexpected, yet I’d love to do it again. I always enjoy being challenged with a bit of discomfort. That’s where I find the most personal growth.

Here are some other things I learned on our no-spend journey.

1 – How to be open to receive

I wrote a whole post about learning to receive last fall. If you haven’t noticed, people tend to preach, teach, and write about the things they’re working on. And that’s certainly true for me too.

Early on in my life journey, I decided that I was someone who offered help and not someone who needed it. So receiving has always been hard for me.

When everything shut down to slow the spread of COVID-19, a local private yoga instructor started offering free classes via Zoom. Since I try to make yoga a daily practice, I decided to switch things up and give virtual yoga a try.

When I received the email with the link to join the class, I noticed an option to leave a tip at the bottom. I can’t explain how hard it was for me to not tip. I’m the person who usually leaves a 20 percent tip for terrible service because I don’t want to look like a jerk. And since this is someone I know and like, I felt guilty and told myself I’d make up for it next month.

But then I reminded myself that the best gift to the giver is to simply receive. I don’t know about you, but when I give time, money, or resources to others, I don’t expect anything in return. A genuine thank you or a recommendation is more than enough. So the first benefit of my no-spend month was allowing myself to receive.

2 – You don’t need much to get by

As a camper, backpacker, and wilderness explorer, I know this. Every trip seems to inspire an Instagram post that says something like, “this is all I need to be happy.”

Yet I seem to lose this sentiment when I’m stuck in the day to day. We don’t have a large home, but it’s larger than a backpack and easy to fill with things that are nice to have but we could get by without.

We’re not big shoppers. Still, we have no shortage of outdoor gear, footwear, and clothing. Our no-spend month was a nice reminder that although it would be nice to have more trail runners to alternate through, I can get by with one pair at a time.

3 – Life is abundant

This perfectly complements my last point–there is very little we truly need to be happy.

Committing to a no-spend month might also help you realize the abundance you already have. When you can’t go out to be entertained, you start digging up books, games, and equipment you had previously forgotten about. You’ll feel inspired to find creative ways to make the most of the groceries you have on hand. And you’ll feel appreciation for the wonderful humans who are doing this life alongside you. A no-spend month is sure to increase your gratitude for all that you already have.

4 – Creative solutions abound

I’m pretty sure we could have figured out a way to make hair product for Jer with the ingredients we had at home. That said, I pick my battles wisely and dropped my case quickly. I did, however, make my own bath salts and disinfecting spray during that time.

I’m a practical person. But I can’t imagine what you creative types could come up with during a no-spend month. New recipes, games, and even business ideas are sure to abound.

5 – You’re more disciplined than you know

I’m naturally disciplined and a bit of a perfectionist. And while he displays above average discipline, Jer is much more laid back. When it came to our no-spend month, I was diligent about sticking to the rules. Jer, on the other hand, often thought they were pointless.

As disciplined as I am, I still have moments of weakness when it comes to financial decisions. So this no-spend month was a great reminder of how disciplined we both truly are. I imagine the same would be true for you. Even if you don’t plan and have a few slip-ups as we did, you’ll see exciting results when you tally how much you saved at the end of the month.

How a no-spend month could help you

In my opinion, money is one of the most interesting topics. It’s something that seems like simple, rational math on the surface. But financial matters can be deeply emotional and triggering. Our personalities and experiences combine to form unique perspectives on how we think about and respond to money. Almost everyone I’ve met has had limiting beliefs and struggles with money. That aside, I believe all of us are capable of improving our financial health, one small step at a time.

In our household, Jer and I have very different money habits. I imagine the same is true in your family. Over the years we’ve learned how to work together. I’ve written about how to work together here and the benefits of finding a balance between the two here.

Since we all have a unique experience on this planet, you’ll likely enjoy different benefits from your no-spend month. Here are additional rewards you might experience.

1 – Change your habits

There are different opinions on how long it takes to change a habit. I believe that it depends on the individual as well as the specific habit they are trying to change. At the end of the day, it’s simply easier for some people to change habits than others. The good news is that much of the ease some people appear to possess simply comes down to experience.

It’s going to be easier for someone who has quit smoking, eating junk food, and missing workouts to quit impulse spending. They already have experience changing habits and feel more confident because of their past successes.

If you’re new to habit change, allow yourself some grace. Do the best you can, of course. But don’t badger yourself if you slip up. It’s a learning process and will get easier as you continue to practice.

When you commit to a no-spend month, your spending habits will improve even if you screw up. Maybe your habits will improve significantly. Perhaps just a little. Either way, you’ll be ahead of where you’d be had you not given it a shot.

2 – Goodbye impulse purchases

I imagine that most of us end up coming home with more than was on our initial list when we do our weekly shopping trips. I’m pretty good at sticking to my list, but I’m certain that impulse purchases add up to hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars each year.

When you commit to a no-spend month, there will be very little you allow yourself to purchase. This means fewer opportunities to spend impulsively. Calculating your savings at the end of the month might even inspire you to curb impulse spending for good. Imagine how quickly that one change will get you closer to your bigger financial goals

3 – See your potential.

Whether you knock your no-spend month out of the park or struggle with some slip-ups, you’ll inarguably be better off than had you not made the attempt. Whether your no-spend month yields a savings of 200 or 2000 dollars, you’ll realize the potential that’s already within you to get financially fit. This might be the push you need to realize that financial freedom is attainable for you.

Tips for a successful no-spend month

Our rules were simple. Aside from gas and groceries, no spending. When planning your no-spend month, you can create whatever rules you want. As much as I love to create rules and strategies, I preferred to keep it simple for our no-spend month. When devising your rule list, ensure that it’s a bit of a challenge and still something you can stick to. Here are more tips to ensure your no-spend month is a success.

1 – Choose a slow month

We chose to do our first no-spend month in March. There’s not much going on in Minnesota in March so that decreased the temptation to break the promise we made to ourselves.

Choosing to do your first no-spend month in June, with weddings, graduations, and summer vacations, will make it less enjoyable and you’ll be less likely to repeat it. The same goes for December. When planning your first no-spend month, choose a month that’s slow, calm, quiet, and won’t make you regret trying it.

2 – Plan ahead

Our no-spend month would have been a lot easier had we planned ahead. Here are some things to consider when you create your plan.

Make sure you have more than enough health and household items like toilet paper, toothpaste, and laundry detergent on hand before the month begins. Review your budget and look for categories you’ll need to find a no-spend replacement for. For example, if you go out for lunch each day, plan how you’ll get your lunch without spending. If you go on a date night every Friday, create a plan for some no-spend date nights. Check out this post with more ideas to save.

3 – Define your why

I write about identifying your why in a lot of how-to posts. I’ve learned firsthand how hard it is to stick to something if there’s not a good heartfelt reason to.

We’ll use maintaining a healthy weight as an example because it’s something most of us can relate to. I think many of us would love to lose those 10 extra pounds to look good in our swimsuits next summer. But I don’t think that particular motivation encourages lasting change. A health scare, wanting to be able to play with your grandkids, or to be mobile and healthy as you age are whys that are more likely to make your lifestyle changes stick.

Whys that align with your mission and purpose are more likely to help you succeed. Here are examples of whys that might motivate you to stick to your no-spend month.

  • Set a good example for your children so they have good financial habits when they head out on their own.
  • Build confidence by proving to yourself that you have the discipline you need to achieve your goals.
  • To finally get your spending in check and start saving for retirement and your kids’ college fund so you can sleep better and feel less stress.
  • Build wealth so you can leave a legacy to your favorite cause.

What’s your why and how could it help you stay focused during your no-spend month?

4 – Tackle it as a team

It’s really hard, if not impossible, to make a big change if everyone in the household isn’t on board. The teamwork begins when you come together to define your why. Communication is another key to succeeding as a team. Like I say when we’re navigating the wilderness, it’s impossible to over-communicate. Talk about why you want it, how you’re going to do it, and how it feels openly and often.

Check out this post for more tips to ensure success as a team.

5 – Enlist your friends

Most of us do better when surrounded by a support team. Build your own by inviting friends to join your no-spend month. You might even up the ante by making it a competition. You could have everyone contribute twenty dollars and the family who spends the least wins the entire pot. Get creative and have fun with it.

6 – Avoid temptation

Don’t go shopping. Unsubscribe from emails from your favorite store. Don’t drive past the doughnut shop. Just say no to that after-work happy hours. If there’s something that tempts you from month to month, create a plan ahead of time for how you’ll avoid it.

The importance of filling your cup

In a book about happiness, I learned all of the reasons money can’t buy happiness. But then the author cautioned that if we stopped spending, the economy would collapse and we’d subsequently be unhappy. There’s no denying that we’ve got to spend money to keep the economy afloat. But here’s another perspective to consider.

Years ago I wrote a post about why we need to fill our own cups. As wives, mothers, husbands, leaders, dog dads, and cat moms, it’s easy to put everyone else’s needs before our own. This leaves us drained and often unable to give our best.

Over the years I’ve learned that I need to get enough sleep and exercise, to eat well, and meditate each day if I’m going to show up as the best wife to my spouse. I need to fill my own cup or there’s nothing that can spill over into the lives of others.

As we’ve journeyed through a global health crisis and an unstable economy, I’ve been thinking about how this is true of our finances as well. The companies and households who filled their own cups were not only able to take care of their own needs but also able to serve and give generously to others.

That’s not to say that the companies that were forced to layoff employees and cut back made mistakes leading up to this. This was unpredictable and for some industries, impossible to prepare for. The same is true for many households. There are so many varying circumstances.

Still, there were plenty of generous people who were able to pay their employees when their businesses were forced to close. There were even more who sent food and financial support to food shelves, helping those who found themselves without a paycheck. And they couldn’t have done this without had they not filled their own cups first.

I could be wrong but I feel this is a safe prediction. If you’re worried about hurting the economy by not spending, don’t fear, others will do it for you. Admittedly, it’s too early for a non-economist like me to predict our economic recovery. But if everything I’ve read about consumer behavior holds true, you shouldn’t have to worry about the economy collapsing while you fill your own cup.

A no-spend month is a great way to get ahead on your financial goals. And with the right team and plan in place, I dare say that it could even be fun. What’s stopping you from giving a no-spend month a try?

What are your best tips to curb spending? Share in the comments below or come tell me all about it on Facebook.

17 books to transform your life in just 15 minutes a day

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Reading has been an important daily habit of mine for years. Like most children who are exposed to books, I was obsessed. I not only loved to read them but also liked to play library with them.

After graduating from college and having read the world’s most boring textbooks, I quit reading for a few years. When I started again, I picked up deep stories like The Poisonwood Bible and The Celestine Prophecy.

As I transitioned into the expectations of the corporate world, the required travel and long hours took me away from reading again. Looking back, I should have used all those nights away from home to read instead of working. Just one more lesson I learned the hard way.

A decade later I started traveling even more and that’s when I became an audiobook addict. The book that transformed my life and renewed my love of reading was Linchpin by Seth Godin. That was a decade ago and since then I’ve read and listened to hundreds of books that have transformed my mindset and helped my husband, Jer, and I create the life we enjoy today.

If that’s not enough reason to read, here are some other benefits of a daily reading habit. Reading is good for your brain. Just as we need to move and work our bodies to maintain muscle mass, our brains need daily workouts too. Reading helps improve memory, critical thinking, and concentration. It’s also good for your mental health. It reduces stress, and builds confidence, and makes you more empathetic.

Books encourage personal growth and give you interesting things to talk about. As far as hobbies and entertainment go, nothing is more inexpensive. When purchased, books have a great return on investment. But don’t forget about the countless free resources from America’s libraries.

The final reason to read is that once you discover which types of books interest you, reading is fun and enjoyable.

Make it a habit

Finding time to read it the same as finding time for anything else that’s important to you. It’s not so much that you find or make time. Instead, you decide what’s important and schedule it.

The first thing I do every morning after brushing my teeth and grabbing a cup of coffee is read for 15 minutes. My morning books are always something spiritual-ish. It’s a wonderful way to start my day with a positive attitude and good energy.

Another great time to read is right before bed. It’s a fantastic way to wind down and forget about your worries of the day. And if you’re reading a paper book or using a kindle with the device light turned off, you’ll help your eyes adjust from a day filled with screens, helping you sleep better.

Don’t forget about audiobooks. They’re a great way to read more while your hands and eyes are focused on other things. I listen to audiobooks while driving, cooking, cleaning, and exercising. And if you’re on a budget, check out your local library’s offering of downloadable audiobooks and books on CD.

One final tip that will help you read considerably more books this year is to carry a Kindle with you. Instead of picking up your phone while waiting for an appointment or eating lunch, you’ll be able to dive back into that book you’ve been loving. Kindles are a convenient way to carry your entire library wherever you go.

What to read

Some of the most beneficial life skills aren’t taught in schools. So unless you had caregivers who were savvy in all of these areas and excellent coaches to boot, I imagine there are some things you could improve on. That’s certainly the case for me.

These are the seven books I think everyone should read as they transition to adulthood. Even if you had caregivers and teachers who were great coaches on self-control, decision making, interpersonal skills, personal finance, and relationships, I guarantee you’ll gain something from these books.

You can click the title or the photo to be taken directly to the Amazon page for each book. Keep in mind these also make great gifts!

7 Books everyone should read

1 – 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

This is the only book that is duplicated on my other must-read book list. I think it’s that important of a read.

The title may lead you to believe that it’s all about productivity. While it does a great job teaching ways to do more of what’s important to you, this book is about so much more. It’s about making the most of your whole life: your time, health, and relationships.

2 – The Four Agreements

If everyone on earth read this book, our world would be a very different place. It’s a short and easy read that will change how you interact with the world almost immediately. This book will help you reclaim your personal power. You’ll learn to look deeper and approach situations with more confidence and empathy. That’s why it’s my number two must-read.

3 – How to Win Friends and Influence People

This is another book that could change the world if we all read it. Some of the language could be considered dated, but please don’t let that diminish the value of this book.

Human interaction is one of those basic life skills most of us simply weren’t taught. Go out in the world for a day and just observe people and this will be evident. There are many reasons that we don’t always interact well, but much of this we simply never learned. Whether you’re a server, a CEO, or a stay at home dad, this book is certain to improve your interactions.

4 – The 5 Love Languages

Originally meant for couples, understanding love languages can help us with all of our relationships. For example, if you’re a minimalist and have a mother in law whose primary love language is gift-giving, this book will help you find a win-win. By learning to read and respond to her love language, you’ll be able to help her feel valuable by giving gifts, while not being stuck with a bunch of junk to drop off at the Goodwill.

It takes some time to make these tips a habit. But once you do, you’ll find a whole new level of peace in your most important relationships.

5 – Boundaries

I think it’s safe to say that many of us suck (or have sucked) at boundaries. I say this because as I read this book, people I know personally came to mind with every example of poor boundaries. I’ll be the first to admit that boundaries are hard for me too. I’m very clear about what’s okay and what’s not okay with me. I just have a really hard time communicating that.

This is a comprehensive book filled with practical advice and examples to get you started on your journey to better boundaries. All that’s left is to practice.

6 – 48 Days to the Work You Love

Many people in my generation entered college and the workforce with no idea who we were, how we were gifted, and what we were drawn to. This isn’t the worst thing because we’re constantly evolving and we learn by trying new things. That said, as I’m rediscovering who I am, I find that I’m able to tie all of my passions and superpowers back to the very beginning.

My biggest issue with not knowing who we are is that in 2020 we’re still advising young people to go to college and take out hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans. Many parents and advisors still believe that getting a piece of paper will provide young people with a secure job and solve all their problems.

I took that route and ended up starting over at age 38. That’s not to say that I’m against education and learning. This post should be an indicator that I love it. But when young people have no idea what they want, can’t afford it, or worse, don’t want to be there, we need to start having different conversations.

Whether you’re just finishing up high school or find yourself miserable in your midlife career, this book will guide you through those conversations. You’ll rediscover who you are, what you’re exceptionally skilled at, and how to build a work-life around that.

7 – The Total Money Makeover

As a culture, we’re not great with money. That’s why I’m so passionate about sharing our financial journey.

Over the years I’ve read dozens of books about personal finance. I even have some brand new ones queued up on my Kindle for this year. While there’s no one perfect book on the subject, I think this one is as good as it gets. The reason I love it is that the strategy is so simple, anyone can follow it.

Our personal finances affect every aspect of our lives. Don’t you owe it to yourself to enjoy more peace in your family, health, career, and finances? You do and that’s why this is my final must-read book.

Now that I’ve finally put this list together, it’s time to share the best of what I read last year. My book selections aren’t always timely as to when the book was published. But they’re timely to my needs. For example, there’s a book I purchased in 2014 that I just wrapped up at the beginning of this year. I was simply waiting for the right time.

When you finish reviewing my recommendations below, check out my list of 13 Books for More Courage, Clarity, and Confidence. You’ll find some of my favorite books of all time on that list so you won’t want to miss it.

As I mentioned, the following list includes the best books I read last year. I’d love to do this annually because many readers have told me that these lists are valuable to them. So stay tuned for my annual favorite book list.

Let’s get started.

The 10 best books I read last year

1 – Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

Let’s start off with the heaviest books and get them out of the way. These two books were very powerful for me this year, so they certainly earned their way to the top. But I promise that there’s lighter stuff below.

I held on to this book for a long time before reading it. I think it was the title I had a hard time with. But the book in and of itself is excellent.

Here’s what I really loved about it. Most of us have some narcissistic tendencies. It’s a sliding scale but many of us have enough that they can affect our relationships with the people we value most, such as our spouses and children. This book covers how to break those narcissistic patterns as well as the trap we fall into when we try to overcorrect. This is a great book for anyone who wants to learn how to improve their most important relationships.

2 – The Body Keeps the Score

I’ve always erred on the side of caution when it comes to recommending psychology books. So many of us have unresolved trauma and I worry that books like this could be more harmful than helpful to some individuals. Still, I found myself recommending this book over and over again to teachers, yoga instructors, and health care professionals. And while listening to the epilogue, I thought that all politicians and voters need to read this book as well. Here’s why.

I was blown away by the stats regarding trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). “The ACE study revealed that traumatic life experiences during childhood and adolescence are far more common than expected. The study respondents were mostly white, middle class, middle-aged, well educated, and financially secure enough to have good medical insurance, and yet only one-third of the respondents reported no adverse childhood experiences.” “Of the two-thirds of respondents who reported an adverse experience, 87 percent scored two or more. One in six of all respondents had an ACE score of four or higher.”

What if we took this knowledge with us into our daily interactions? Not trying to diagnose or fix people–please don’t try to do that unless you’re an actual professional. Instead, what if we could use this information to see when people are reacting to triggers and in turn respond with empathy and compassion?

In my opinion, this should be required reading for teachers, politicians, and anyone who shapes and influences lives.

3 – Worthy

Have you read all the personal finance books, know exactly what you should do but struggle when it comes time to actually do it? You might have some limiting beliefs about yourself and finances.

I doubt that any of us made it this far in life without picking up at least one limiting belief about money. This book will teach you exercises to uncover these beliefs and help you do the work to change them.

4 – The Art of Asking

If you’ve struggled with limiting beliefs about money, you’ve probably also struggled with asking and receiving. I’ll admit that this has been hard for me too. And while I’m getting better at accepting help, I still consider it one of my greatest weaknesses. As Brené Brown explains:

Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It’s as if we’ve divided the world into “those who offer help” and “those who need help.” The truth is that we are both.

― Brené Brown

This book is for us offerers! Listen with an open heart and mind and you’ll be sure to feel more confident when it comes to accepting help. And notice I said listen? This book by punk rocker, Amanda Palmer, is fantastic on audio.

5 – The Road Back to You

The Enneagram was all the rage last year and it continues to grow in popularity. I’ve taken every personality test I know of and this is the one I can most relate to. The Road Back to You isn’t just another book about personality styles. It’s a guide that will help you recognize the connection between your strengths and weaknesses as well as your connection to others.

Not only that, it’s fun to read. So fun, in fact, Jer and I read it aloud to each other while camping last summer. It was a great way to get to know each other on a deeper level and learn how to use our strengths to build a better team. However you choose to read it, I know you’ll love this book.

6 – The Immortal Diamond + Falling Upward

Throughout this post, I’ve mentioned my journey to rediscover my true self. For example, I have to believe that my love of reading is part of my innate sense of curiosity and part of my true self.

We are all born with this understanding of who and what we are. Then our familial and societal conditioning often lead us astray as we aim to become who we think we’re supposed to be. Around midlife, many of us find ourselves on a journey to rediscover the true selves we previously lost touch with.

The Immortal Diamond is an incredible book about our spiritual journey to find ourselves. After reading The Immortal Diamond, you may be craving more Rohr. I recommend diving into his book Falling Upward next.

7 – 10% Happier

I added this book to my Kindle wish list based on recommendations from a few friends. When I noticed a great deal on the book, I went in and read some reviews. I consequently almost didn’t purchase it.

First, there were quite a few negative reviews. And second, did I really want to read a book about meditation written by a news guy? Seriously, a news guy?

But something was telling me to read this. So against my better judgment, I went for it and I’m so grateful that I did. I plowed through this book in less than a week. But more importantly, I started meditating again after quitting for a couple of years because, get this, I couldn’t quiet my mind.

This is a fun and fast read filled with a lot of great resources. I highly recommend you ignore the reviews and give it a shot.

8 – To Shake the Sleeping Self

Just another memoir about someone riding their bike to Patagonia.

Yes, thousands of people have made this journey. But none of these people are exactly the same. And although we were raised in two completely different worlds, there was something really relatable about Jedidiah Jenkins.

The turning point in this book for me was when he wrote about unpacking his (internal) baggage as he rode through Baja California. I could relate to everything he experienced through my recent solo camping and backpacking journey. There’s something about hearing someone else’s story that makes you feel more “normal” and less alone.

If you’ve got some baggage to unpack or just love a great adventure, take this book for a spin. (See what I did there?)

9 – Educated

Oh My God!

I repeated this phrase over and over as I listened to this book twice in a row during backpacking training hikes. This is a simultaneously gut-wrenching and heartwarming story about the resilience of the human spirit. Hard to listen too at times but a reminder that a better future is always possible.

10 – The Longevity Diet

Low carb, keto, and Whole30 are all the rage. Just hop on Pinterest and you’ll find recipes for “healthy” alternatives to all of your favorite foods. Keto brownies, Whole 30 onion rings, and low carb meatloaf come together to make a delicious dinner. But just because they’re “diet” doesn’t mean that they’re healthy nor will they help you lose weight.

Sorry to burst your bubble. But in my well-researched opinion, there’s only one way to maintain good health and a healthy weight. As Michael Pollan famously put it: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” And my friends who are certified health coaches and hold degrees in nutrition agree.

If you’re interested in learning more about the subject, there are a lot of great books out there such as How Not to Die. But I’m choosing to share The Longevity Diet because it’s shorter and easier to digest and implement.

If you care about more than simply fitting into your favorite jeans from high school, you’re going to love this book.

How to eat an elephant

Between this post and The 13 Books for More Courage, Clarity, and Confidence, I just shared more than 30 books. That’s more than I’d usually recommend but since I plan to do this annually, I wanted to establish a solid foundation. So I’d love to offer one piece of advice to help you digest this list.

Start where you are.

I read the books in the 7 must-read books list over the course of a decade. As I approached a problem I needed to solve, I sought the advice of virtual mentors who had gone before me. I took these in one at a time when I was good and ready.

What one area of your life do you need the most help with right now? Personal finance? Relationships? Discipline and self-control? Pick one book. Start there and read one page at a time.

The average person reads 200 words per minute. The average non-fiction book is about 50,000 words. So in theory, you should be able to read a typical book in less than 5 hours. Using these same figures, if you read 15 minutes every day, you could easily finish every book on this list plus a few fun ones in just 12 short months.

What books are on your must-read list? Share in the comments below or come tell me about them with me on Facebook. Who knows, they could even make next year’s list!

How to break your smartphone addiction

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When I’m writing a new post, I always create five titles and choose the one I think is best. The first title I wrote for this post was how to break your phone habit. But as I thought about it, it’s more than a habit for me at times. I have moments when I feel like I have a smartphone addiction.

Since Apple introduced Screen Time, I’ve paid much more attention to my smartphone usage. Every Sunday I get a popup that tells me exactly how many hours per day I spent on my phone. And to be honest, I’m rarely happy with that number.

I’m sure many of you agree that you have a love-hate relationship with your phone. It’s hard to remember how I ever got by without it. It’s my alarm clock, notebook, GPS, camera, calendar, and everything else. It can also be a huge distraction.

I don’t know about you, but my relationship with my phone is not always healthy. It helps me stay organized. But it’s just as easy to use those tools to distract me from doing what’s most important. When I’m feeling uneasy, picking up my phone and scrolling through Instagram is a quick and satisfying distraction. And I can’t tell you how many times I pick up my phone to make a note or put something in my calendar and 20 minutes later find myself trying to remember why I picked it up in the first place.

That’s why I’m calling it a smartphone addiction instead of a habit. By definition, addiction is “a strong inclination to do, use, or indulge in something repeatedly.” Not everyone will agree with my word choice. And I know that it’s not a struggle for everyone to put their phone down. But it’s easy for me to see patterns between my smartphone usage and my life as a former smoker.

We know all the reasons smartphones are great. They wake us up for work in the morning. And ensure we get to our meetings on time. Our phones get us from point A to point B in the most efficient manner, avoiding slow traffic and speed traps. We can check the weather, buy and sell stocks, and keep up with email. And social media has helped us reconnect with old friends and make new connections too. There’s a lot of really great things about smartphones.

At the same time, loneliness has become an epidemic. Nearly half of Americans “often feel alone, left out and lacking meaningful connection with others.” Smartphone addiction and social media aren’t the only reasons for these increased feelings of loneliness, but they are a big part of it.

When was the last time you talked to someone on the phone, just because? Not for business or to schedule an appointment, but to simply catch up. It’s probably been five years for me. Texting is much more convenient and takes a lot less time. And besides, I’d rather chat face to face. But I’d be kidding myself if I didn’t think that cutting out this form of communication could be contributing to our collective loneliness.

Social media has connected us to old and new friends alike. There’s no better tool than Instagram for connecting with likeminded people. But how often does the connection stop there? Rather than using it to find people we’d love to connect with in real life, we remain online acquaintances. And then there’s the whole comparison trap that can make us feel like we’re falling behind and not keeping up.

As much as this independent introvert hates to admit it, we are social creatures. We have been since the beginning of time. And cutting this aspect from our lives hasn’t been good for us.

Could breaking our smartphone addiction help us get out, connect, and enjoy life again?

Here are 12 tips to help break your smartphone addiction.

1 – Turn notifications off.

Once you get over the initial uneasiness, you’re going to thank me for this tip. I turned my notifications off in 2012 and I’ve never felt compelled to turn them on since.

At the time I had a job where I traveled and worked remotely. I found myself in meetings with clients, unable to focus because phone calls and emails kept flooding in. I also didn’t feel safe driving with constant emails and emergencies coming through. So I turned them all off.

In a world where many people expect an immediate response 24-7, this might not work for you. You may need to ease into it and set expectations and boundaries for your contacts slowly. However you choose to approach this, it’s worth exploring.

Each time we’re interrupted, it takes an average of 23 minutes to get back on task. Let’s say you get interrupted once per hour during the workday. We’ll assume you spend eight minutes responding to each interruption. Those eight minutes, plus the 23 minutes it takes you to get back on task costs you four hours and 8 minutes each day. That’s almost 21 hours per week, 83 hours per month, and 992 hours per year! That’s essentially 25 40-hour workweeks.

But maybe you practice some of the tips below and aren’t interrupted as often. If you’re only interrupted once per day, that’s still 124 hours each year, more than 3 40-hour workweeks.

I don’t know about you, but there are lots of ways I’d rather spend that time than being interrupted and task switching. The best way to prevent this is to turn off your notifications.

2 – Put your phone away.

While I write this, my phone is hiding in another room. There’s nothing I need from my phone while I’m writing so why have the temptation?

When I’m out interacting with people, my phone stays in my purse or I turn it screen side down. Face to face interaction is becoming rarer as we all feel busier. Keeping my phone out of the way shows the people I’m with that their presence is important to me.

3 – Set app limits.

Screen Time for iOS is the greatest invention since the smartphone. It allows you to see exactly how much time you spend on your phone each day. It compiles each app’s usage and even allows you to set app limits.

While it’s easy enough to override the limits, the notification is usually all I need to put my phone down. If you find yourself constantly overriding your limits, ask yourself if your limits are reasonable. When I started, I set a limit of 40 minutes per day on Instagram. It turns out that wasn’t enough time for me to interact the way I needed to so I increased it to one hour.

If you’ve set a reasonable time limit and still find yourself overriding it all day long, ask someone else to create a password for you. If there’s a social media emergency, they can log you in. But on a daily basis, getting locked out will help you break your smartphone addiction.

If you’re an Android user, there are apps that do the same thing. At the time I’m writing this, Google is beta testing a similar feature called Digital Wellbeing. And for both devices, I’ve heard great things about the Moment app.

4 – Schedule It

I have a daily schedule that I try to stick to most days and on that schedule, I set aside time for email and social media. It’s a lot easier to stay off of social media during the day if I know I have dedicated time in the evening.

5 – Delete social media.

When you pick up your phone when you feel bored or need to distract yourself, what are your go-to apps? For me, it’s social media. Nothing distracts me from that argument I just had with my spouse like a scroll through Facebook.

That’s why I deleted social media apps from my phone. Other than Instagram, which works best on mobile, I deleted them all. There’s nothing on Facebook or Twitter that’s urgent enough that it can’t wait until I log on from my laptop. And if it was truly urgent, I hope your friends and family have other ways to contact you other than social media.

6 – Create Anti Phone Addiction Rules.

The first hour of my day is dedicated to healing, growing, and setting my mindset to have a great day. My current morning routine includes reading something for spiritual growth, journaling, and meditation. While I’m reading, I often come across quotes I want to share on Instagram. And while journaling, I always come up with great ideas for blog posts. In those moments, it’s easy to pick up my phone and get sucked in.

At one point last year I felt like it was getting out of hand, so I made a rule that I wouldn’t touch my phone for the first hour of the day for an entire month. Being the competitive person I am, the first hour turned into 4 hours, and then the whole day. Not only was I breaking my smartphone addiction, but I was insanely productive too.

The key is to identify your triggers and problem areas and then create rules around them. It also helps to create accountability. When I did my own 30-day challenge, I shared screenshots in my Instagram story.

7 – Use timers.

When I’m working, I set timers and work in one-hour blocks. This ensures that I don’t go down a rabbit hole with research or write a small book. It also allows me breaks to get up, change positions, get a drink, or use the restroom. I’ve also found that it prevents distractions like social media. Anyone can focus on something if they just have to do it for an hour.

I also set a timer for my morning routine. When it goes off, I’m done. So if I choose to use that time checking email or making notes in Evernote, I miss out on my important reading and journaling time.

8 – Find the power button and airplane mode.

If your smartphone addiction is really out of hand, use the power button to turn it off. By the time it boots back up, you’ll likely have forgotten what was so compelling that you had to turn it back on in the first place. I’m also a fan of airplane mode. When my husband, Jer, and I are traveling and spending time together, I often suggest that all the phones stay on airplane mode so we can spend quality time reconnecting.

9 – Try a fast.

Consider a phone or social media fast. My first social media fast was during lent of 2014 and it was glorious. At the time I was feeling pretty burned out on everything Facebook so I shut it all down. Guess what? I didn’t miss it at all. And no one missed me. I even inspired a few people to do their own fast.

When I disconnected from social media I found that I had more time for things I cared about. I had more time to read. I enjoyed more quality time with my spouse. And I felt less anxiety about my life.

10 – Go Screen-free.

Maybe you don’t need a 40-day fast to break your smartphone addiction. How about scheduling one screen-free day each week? Think of the fun your family could have if you agreed to give up your phones every Sunday.

11 – Write it down.

There are a lot of benefits to physically writing things down. It creates a different connection in your brain which has all sorts of wonderful benefits. And for me, it also keeps me off my phone. I go back and forth on this but right now, I’m physically writing my weekly and daily plans on paper.

One less reason to pick up my phone means one less way to be distracted which means more time to focus on what’s truly important.

12 – Be intentional.

I could give you a million more tips, but I’ll end with this. Be intentional with how you’re using your phone and social media. For each task or app, ask if it’s helping or hurting you. Here’s a great list to help you be more intentional.

When writing this post, I didn’t choose the words smartphone addiction lightly. There are times in my life when I use my phone to numb and that feels like an addiction to me. There are also times when I’m in public and watching people makes me feel like our collective smartphone addiction is becoming a crisis.

These 12 tips are simple ways to begin creating healthier habits with your devices. Smartphones can be a wonderful tool if we’re using them as a way to connect and not as a way to numb and disconnect. The beauty is that you get to decide exactly how you’ll make your smartphone work for you.

How do you manage your smartphone usage? Share in the comments below or come tell me about it on Facebook.

How being wholehearted helped me find my true self

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Welcome to my personal journey to become more wholehearted. As a lifelong perfectionist, I’ve struggled with my sense of inherent worthiness. For most of my life, I believed that my value as a person was a reflection of my grades, appearance, generosity, job title, income, weight, and net worth. Then one day I realized the perfection I’d been chasing wasn’t an unattainable goal.

Letting go of my need to be perfect opened up a whole new world of opportunity for me. But it hasn’t been easy.

In 2018 I published a vulnerable post about my limiting beliefs that was very difficult to write. The morning it went live I shared the link on social media then went a lecture with a friend. When I returned to my car after the talk, I checked social media to see what people were saying.

There was only one comment and the reader explained they’ve never felt anything like this. Rather than having a rational reaction, like, duh, anyone else who struggles with this isn’t going to speak up publically online, I plummeted into a shame spiral. I told myself, I’m such an idiot for publishing this. Now no one will ever take me seriously. I should just shut it all down and quit. I knew I wasn’t cut out for this. God, I’m so stupid.

I carried that self-doubt into the weekend. I knew these feelings of shame all too well and I wanted nothing more than to stop them. But not just for now. I wanted to put an end to them permanently. So while I cleaned the house that Saturday, I pulled up Brené Brown’s TED Talks about shame and vulnerability and began listening, over and over, for hours on end.

This is the day that my year of wholehearted living began.

As I listened to the talks, I stopped now and then to scribble some notes in the back of my journal. The first line I wrote down was, “People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging.”

In her research, Brown called these people wholehearted. I wrote down the word, wholehearted, and I knew instantly that was my one word for 2019. I thought, If I could learn to live wholeheartedly, maybe I could let go of all these years of unworthiness and striving for perfection.

Below are some of the other notes I wrote in my journal that day.

  • Wholehearted people share the following qualities: courage, compassion, and connection.
  • Courage isn’t about being brave but telling the story of who you are with your whole heart.
  • The wholehearted have the courage to be imperfect.
  • Wholehearted people are willing to let go of who they thought they were supposed to be in order to be who they are.
  • Wholehearted people embrace vulnerability.
  • The wholehearted believe that what makes them vulnerable also makes them beautiful.

I wanted to live all of these things more than anything. So in order to hold myself accountable, I decided to share my wholehearted journey with my email subscribers. I picked a theme for each month, incorporating Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living and got to work. I used this list because I knew it would challenge me. If I were creating my own, there’s no way things like laughter, song, and dance would have made the cut.

It wasn’t easy at first. I had to fight a lifetime of limiting beliefs. There were times I thought it would be easier to go back to the way I lived a decade ago, numbing this discomfort and vulnerability with cigarettes, booze, and food. But then I remembered how hard I worked to get to where I am today and I used that to keep moving forward.

For an entire year, I followed the plan I share with you below. And then one day I felt it. I was hiking in a neighborhood park and I noticed a feeling of wholeness and worthiness. I felt wholehearted.

It wasn’t because I was outside or because I was being a good girl and exercising. I felt worthy just for being. I was so grateful that all of this deliberate practice was finally becoming a part of who I am. Let me assure you that this feeling still comes and goes. But at least now I know it’s in there somewhere.

Here’s how I became more wholehearted.

Step One – You Are Worthy

The first step is to practice believing that you are worthy of love and belonging. You are worthy just as you are today. Not when you lose 10 pounds or get that promotion.

This can be a difficult mindset switch for those of us who were raised in cultures where our value was tied to our achievements. But think of how different your life would be if you could let go of the belief that your worthiness is tied to your “success”.

While I was working through this step, I happened upon this podcast episode that brought a lot of clarity to the topic. Whatever you believe spiritually, consider listening. I believe the message is valuable to everyone and that it will help you on your wholehearted journey.

Step Two – Just Say No

The second step to become more wholehearted is learning to say, “No” to anything that challenges that sense of worthiness. This could include anything from friends, family, and coworkers, to social media, and your own disempowering beliefs.

If my interactions on social media are causing me to question my worthiness, I need to step away. When a story I’m telling myself makes me feel unlovable, I need to rewrite that script. If there’s a person in my life who communicates with venom and insults, I need to take a step back until I can respond in a healthy manner.

Learn to recognize what’s triggering your feelings of unworthiness and find the courage to just say no.

Step Three – Let Go

The next ten steps follow The 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living. If you want to dive deeper into the guideposts, I recommend reading Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection.

The first guidepost to wholehearted living is to cultivate authenticity by letting go of what people think. I wrote an entire post about authenticity that you can read here.

Letting go of what people think, however, isn’t easy for most of us. And here’s why. Brown says, “when we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable.”

This is how I walk through the process of letting go without losing my ability to be vulnerable.

1 – I catch myself.

When I published that post on limiting beliefs, for example, I was stuck in a shame spiral. I was repeating variations of, “Ugh, I can’t believe what I shared about my limiting beliefs. Everyone is going to think I’m crazy. No one will ever take me seriously again. I’m going to have to shut this all down and get a job as a cashier at Aldi.”

2 – I ask what I can learn.

This was obviously triggering some old wounds. What could I learn from this experience that would prevent me from going to this place in the future?

I came to the realization that even if a thousand people hate that post but it helps one person, then it was worth it. I also learned that it’s impossible to please everyone and if you try, you will disappoint everyone, including yourself.

3 – It’s not about you.

So often, when we’re worried about what other people think, we don’t actually know what they think. We’re just responding to a story we made up in our heads.

But occasionally we’re reacting to something someone actually said. Ask yourself if the comments were meant to be helpful or hurtful? Most of us aren’t good at receiving feedback even if it’s constructive. Like everything I talk about in this post, it’s a skill we have to learn. If you believe the comment was meant to help you, spend time reflecting on what you can take away and incorporate.

Sometimes the things people say are meant to hurt us. In these cases, the comments are rarely, if ever, about us. You’ve likely heard the phrase, “hurt people hurt people”? It’s not about you but their own pain and shame. If you’d like to learn more about how to stop taking these comments personally, check out the book The Four Agreements.

Step Four – Self-Compassion

The next steps is cultivating self-compassion by letting go of perfectionism.

“When we work from a place where we believe that I’m enough, we stop screaming and start listening. We’re kinder and gentler to the people around us and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.”

– Brené Brown

I told you about my struggle with perfectionism at the very beginning of this post. I wore perfectionism as a badge of honor for most of my life. Then one day I realized that it wasn’t making me better. It was paralyzing me and preventing me from achieving my potential. So for this step, I adopted a new mantra.

My best is always enough!

“There was a man who wanted to transcend his suffering so he went to a Buddhist temple to find a Master to help him. He went to the Master and asked, ‘Master, if I meditate four hours a day, how long will it take me to transcend?’

The Master looked at him and said, ‘If you meditate four hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in ten years.’

Thinking he could do better, the man then said, ‘oh Master, what if I meditate eight hours a day, how long will it take me to transcend?’

The Master looked at him and said, ‘If you meditate eight hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in twenty years.’

‘But why will it take me longer is I meditate more?’ the man asked.

The Master replied. ‘You are not here to sacrifice your joy or your life. You are here to live, to be happy, and to love. If you can do your best in two hours of meditation, but you spend eight hours instead, you will only grow tired, miss the point, and you won’t enjoy your life. Do your best, and perhaps you will learn that no matter how long you meditate, you can live, love, and be happy.’”

– Don Miguel Ruiz; The Four Agreements

The next time you catch yourself rumbling with not good enough, ask yourself, did I do the best I could? If the answer is yes, tell yourself you did great. If the answer is no, be compassionate with yourself. To err is human and it’s your humanity that makes you beautiful.

Step Five – Resilience

The next guidepost to wholehearted living is cultivating resilience by letting go of numbing and powerlessness. This guidepost reminds me of something Brown said in her TED Talk and touches on in all of her books.

“We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted, and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.”

– Brené Brown

She goes on to say that you can’t selectively numb emotions. When you try to cover up all the “bad” stuff like pain, anger, and fear with a drink or two or five, you also cover up all the good stuff like joy, and love, and gratitude. And then we find ourselves “miserable and looking for purpose and meaning and then we feel vulnerable…” and the cycle of numbing continues.

I know how easy it is to fall into this cycle. When we think about numbing, we tend to only consider drugs and alcohol. But I’ve seen shopping, gambling, pills, exercise, food, and social media be just as harmful.

The average person picks up their phone about 60 times per day. Have you ever stopped to think about what you’re feeling when you pick it up? I’ve noticed that I tend to pick up my phone to distract me when I’m feeling uneasy.

Here are some things that help with my resilience when I’m feeling uneasy and powerless.

  • Journaling
  • Talking to someone I trust
  • Exercise
  • Meditation and prayer
  • Yoga
  • Positive self-talk
  • Positive media — books, audiobooks, podcasts, Ted talks, YouTube
  • Getting out in nature

Step Six – Be Grateful

Cultivate joy and gratitude by letting go of scarcity.

On Valentine’s Day 2012 I started a Gratitude Journal. It’s one of the first things I do each morning to this day. And I believe that it’s one of the best things you can do to live with joy and contentment.

We live in a world that operates on scarcity. Go into almost any workplace and you’ll find scarcity acted out.

Here’s an example. A local coffee shop brings in an expert to help with their marketing. Everyone who had anything to do with marketing before refuses to work with the expert, saying things like, “he came from the tech industry, what does he know about coffee shops?” What’s really happening in this situation, and every similar workplace conflict, is that these employees are reacting from a place of fear and scarcity.

I have a great post on scarcity as it pertains to personal finance, but you can apply the principles to any area of life. You can read it here.

Step Seven – Have Faith

Remember that part about using these guideposts because I knew I wouldn’t do things that were uncomfortable otherwise? This is one of those steps. Cultivating intuition and trusting faith by letting go of the need for certainty.

I love certainty SO MUCH! I’m a type-A, researcher, planner, and ducks-in-a-rower, to a T. I find it really hard to operate without certainty.

One of my goals last year was to take a solo backpacking trip. I had camped alone a lot, but being alone in the dark wilderness was a new level of scary. Initially, I planned to do a couple of nights in a state park remote campsite. I don’t how, but somehow that turned into a five-day, 85-mile hike on the Superior Hiking Trail.

This was the longest hike I’d ever attempted and my first time backpacking solo. I planned to do the most beautiful section of trail which also meant it was the most difficult. It’s a challenging trail with lots of rocks, roots, and steep descents. And coming off one of the wettest years in history, it was insanely muddy. This ankle-deep mud cut my normal speedy pace in half. While hiking, it rained for two days straight which made my pack about 10 pounds heavier with everything being wet.

It was hard and I saw a lot of people quit. But I was able to tap into gratitude, intuition, and trusting faith and keep on walking. I beat my goal and then some. I even completed my first ever 20-mile day. And the only way this was possible was by letting go of my need for certainty and to just have faith.

Step Eight – Stop Comparing

Cultivate creativity by letting go of comparison.

Think back to when you were eight years old. I bet you loved being creative. I adored coloring, crafts, embroidery, photography, pottery, writing, dance, and I even created a better dewy decimal system for when I played library.

As I got older, all of those creative things I loved doing started to disappear one by one. After I graduated from college, I saw creativity as frivolous and a waste of time. I was an “adult” and it was time to do “adult” things.

But here’s the truth; we’re all creative. Either we use it or we stifle it. And I’ve learned that stifling our innate strengths and desires leads to anger, resentment, and hopelessness.

To unleash our inherent creativity, we must move past those things that stand in our way. We’ve covered many of these roadblocks already: worrying about what other people think, perfectionism, and fear. And comparison is just one more roadblock.

Our ability to compare can be a good thing when trying to buy the healthiest food for our family while grocery shopping. But comparison can turn ugly when we start comparing ourselves to others. It’s impossible to compare ourselves because we all have unique stories and experiences.

Here are some ideas to help you move beyond comparison.

  • Celebrate your accomplishments.
  • Create a smile file of awards and compliments.
  • Practice gratitude daily.
  • Write daily affirmations.
  • Commit to only comparing yourself to the person you were yesterday.

Step Nine – Rest

In step nine we’ll cultivate play and rest by letting go of the idea that our worth is tied to our accomplishments.

I know I’m not the only one who has fallen into the achievement trap. Many Americans work WAY TOO MUCH! When I worked in the corporate world, there were times I was forced to work 14+ hour days for more than three weeks straight. I will argue that this is unhealthy until the day I die. Yet I had colleagues who worked like this all the time. And those of us who refused were often shamed or threatened.

There are many reasons that we work this much. Our belief that our worthiness is tied to our accomplishments is just one of those reasons. So I’d like to share an epiphany I had one morning while journaling.

All that time I spent communing with nature the last few summers hasn’t been wasted nor frivolous. It’s been a time of healing and growth. It’s part of my story and all of the future work I’ll do. It didn’t put me behind, but exactly where I need to be.

If we don’t take time to care for our minds, bodies, and spirits, they won’t be here for us when we need them most. If we don’t stop and let ourselves heal, our bodies will eventually force us to. Taking time to stop and listen isn’t being lazy. Spending time in nature isn’t wasted. Rest is a natural part of life and ignoring it won’t help you be your best.

It’s during this downtime that I come up with some of my best and most popular content ideas. Our time away has helped us create our best life and has brought new ideas for our future. And more than anything, it’s helped me learn to love myself better.

Not taking time to rest is not only a disservice to yourself, but also your family, friends, coworkers, and every life you touch. Be sure and schedule downtime weekly and a few longer vacations at least twice a year. Ten, twenty, fifty years from now, you’ll be grateful you did.

– Me

Step Ten – Keep Calm

Cultivating calm and stillness by letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle.

As much as diet and exercise, getting good rest and reducing stress are vital to our health and longevity. As someone who is more of a naturally anxious person, I’ve had to work hard to make stillness part of my daily life.

For the last several years, I’ve made calm and stillness part of the first hour of my day. My current morning routine includes reading something that feeds my soul, followed by writing a couple of pages in my journal. Then I end my power hour with a quick meditation session.

If you need more calm in your life, would you consider taking a 30-day challenge? For the next 30 days, commit to setting aside at least five minutes a day to center and calm. I enjoy doing it first thing in the morning as it sets the tone for the rest of my day. Perhaps you may enjoy five minutes of quiet before you greet your family after a long workday, or before you drift off to sleep at night.

Commit to just 30 days for five minutes. If you find that benefits you, try ten minutes for the next 30-day period and let it grow from there.

Step Eleven – Find Meaning

In this step, we’ll focus on letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to” in order to cultivate meaningful work.

Growing up, I believed the purpose of work was to make money and be “successful.” It was what you were “supposed to” do. I was never told that I should find something that aligned with my skills and passions. Nor did I believe that work could be meaningful. So I went to college, took the job that offered the most money, and ended up miserable at “The Worst Company in America to Work For.”

Those expectations of what we’re “supposed to” do run deep in our families and culture. This reminds me of a conversation I had with a woman while I was traveling this past summer. She said, “That’s one of my biggest regrets in life. All three of my sons are very successful, but neither of my daughters work. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

I’m pretty sure she knew that I didn’t “work” either, but I didn’t take it personally. I responded by saying, “Many of us learn that our value lies in our achievements and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I believe that while we’re here, we should use our gifts and talents to serve and provide value. But that doesn’t mean a woman who makes it to the C suite is a better human than the woman (or man) who chooses to stay home and raise their family.”

Everyone’s work has value. I appreciate the person who clears the leaves from the stairs in the park as much as the person who oversees park maintenance. I value the person who harvested the beans that made my morning coffee as much as the guy who started the company that buys and roasts the beans and gets them to the store.

All jobs are important. It doesn’t matter what your parents, spouse, or high school best friend thinks you should do. What matters is that the work is meaningful to you.

Finding and creating meaningful work after a lifetime of “supposed to” isn’t something that happens overnight. And you don’t necessarily need to be employed or get paid for this work. Meaningful work can be a hobby, side project, volunteer effort, or it can mean taking the very best care of your household and family.

Step Twelve – Laugh Out Loud

My final step in my 12 step program to live more wholeheartedly was letting go of being cool and always in control by cultivating laughter, song, and dance.

Ugh, being in control is my love language you guys. Ain’t nobody got time for laughter, song, and dance …except this guy.

My husband, Jeremiah, leads with playful and it’s brought so much joy to our lives. These playful times are just as good for the soul as any of the prayer, meditation, and serious things we do.

So how do we create margin for more play in our lives? Here are a few suggestions.

1 – Switch up your daily routine.

Play seems to come more easily when I step away from the day-to-day. I loosen up when we’re on vacation or in the woods. But since being on a permanent vacation isn’t feasible and would likely lose its appeal, we need to look for other ways to switch it up.

Instead of sitting down to watch TV after dinner, go for a walk or play on the playground. Ride your bike or take public transit to work. Find little ways to switch up your routine that will inevitably invite more play into your life.

2 – Schedule downtime.

Just as I need to schedule time to work on specific projects each week, I need to schedule time to shut it all down. I try to schedule one day a week to let go and play. On a daily basis, I like to schedule an hour when I can do whatever I want. And then, of course, longer vacations are a great way to really let loose.

But if you’re anything like me, you need to schedule it or it won’t happen. This time we spend taking care of ourselves is just as important as any work-related activity.

3 – Tap into your inner child.

What did you love doing as a child but haven’t tried in years? GO DO THAT!

I loved playing outside, riding bike, and ice skating. I think a lot of us had things like this we loved to do. And then somewhere along the line, many of us lost touch with those things.

What brought Jer and I back to playing outside was getting serious about our finances. When we buckled down to pay off our mortgage, our lack of an entertainment budget forced us to do free things like hiking and biking. And cutting back on fancy vacations is what got us started on our camping journey.

When we take care of our own needs, we bring the best of ourselves to others. While much of what we think of as self-care can be serious work, this assignment got me thinking about the importance of play.

What will you go and try just like you’re a kid again?

Here are three more things that helped me become more wholehearted this year.

Step Thirteen – Talk about it

I had a lot of long meaningful chats with a friend on training hikes this past summer. It brought to surface a number of issues that were unknowingly holding me back. It fostered connection and helped me feel less alone. And it helped reinforce the healthy behaviors I was trying to adopt.

Step Fourteen – Get Outside

In Step Seven, I talked about cultivating trusting faith on a solo backpacking trip. The last few summers I’ve been learning just how important spending time in nature is for me. It’s made such a big difference in my life that I try to go into the woods every day I can. I believe that connecting with nature is something we could all benefit from.

Step Fifteen – Read

Wholehearted people are willing to let go of who they thought they were supposed to be in order to be who they are. – Brené Brown Click To Tweet

I read a lot of books, and this one stood out as particularly helpful on my journey to become more wholehearted. It’s about our search for wholeness and rediscovering our true selves. And as Richard Rohr writes, “You do not climb up to your True Self. You fall into it, so don’t avoid all falling.” I’d say that’s a pretty good summary of this year of wholehearted living.

Why should living wholeheartedly be important to you?

You are the key to healing this hurting and broken world. When you learn to fully love and accept yourself, you will finally be able to love others the way they need to be loved. This will, in turn, allow them to fully love and accept themselves and love others the way they need to be loved. It’s a ripple effect that all starts with you.

“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid but that doesn’t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.”

– Brené Brown; Daring Greatly

You ARE worthy of love and belonging and my hope is that these 15 steps to wholehearted living will help you see that.